Saturday, June 27, 2009

Weak and Powerless

A couple of blogs ago, I revealed a meltdown moment I had. It was one of those, in-your-face, angry moments. Well this week I had another meltdown moment but this one was a little different. It was one of those crying, I-can’t-take-it-anymore kind of meltdown moments. It was after a night of 4 hours sleep…and not even 4 hours straight sleep because even that was broken up sleep. It was a combination of that lack of sleep, along with being emotionally worn down by the ups and downs of our foster care situation.

I just sat there and started to cry. I felt like I couldn’t take another whiny request from the almost 2 year old boy, or another protest of “NO!” in my face from the almost 3 year old girl. My whole summer “vacation” has been anything but that! In the midst of all this, I have been trying to do my work for an online class and working on my online writing job. There is also a lot of driving…getting my oldest to summer school four days a day, various days taking the little ones to daycare so they can go on their visits with mom…appointments to be fulfilled…it has all just been one huge challenge.

I finally said, “I can’t do it!” In my mind I declared that I was done. I was not going any further with this foster care situation; I was not going to see my life go down a road I never asked for. I wanted things back to the way they were.

I think I am not alone in this. My situation might be unique in that I have foster children involved but as moms we go through various seasons with our children. When they are very young, the biggest challenges seem to be lack of sleep, not getting out of the house, dealing with sickness, temper tantrums…you get the point. As they enter the elementary school years, it is homework, juggling all the after school activities, friends…so on. When they become preteens, hormones start to kick in. I know I don’t need to say anymore! Then the teen years arrive and well, let’s just say that’s a whole new set of challenges. I can only imagine that even when your children are out of the house, you have other issues—no longer are the children in your care—you are leaving them to figure things out on their own. I can imagine that must be difficult.

With the challenges of each season, it is easy to give in to those feelings of “I just can’t do it!” We get our meltdown moments when we cry and cry and feel completely unable. Well, God wants to meet us in those very trying moments. The next day, after a fairly good night of sleep, my perspective started to come back some. Then I read K-Love’s (Christian radio station) encouraging word for the day: He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless (Isaiah 40:29).

I knew that word was for me. Well, God’s Word is for everyone, however, we get those moments when He especially speaks to our heart. It pierced my heart. I felt weak and I definitely felt powerless…but He was there ready to do His thing—to empower and strengthen me. I had to let go of the situations…I had to let go of the stresses…the worries…the challenges…I knew I had nothing, absolutely nothing in me to do it. But He had all I needed.

What are you feeling weak about as a mom? Where are you feeling powerless? Have you had your meltdown moment? Don’t give in to that temptation to give up. A wise woman shared with me that it always feels like the worst strain right before the victory…it is darkest before the dawn. But…Psalm 30:5 gives us hope…Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.
As a special bonus, when I started crying, my daughter was sitting next to me on the couch. I didn’t even state why I was crying, I just started crying. She didn’t need me to say why. She put her head on my shoulder and said, “Don’t worry…we will help you.” I felt like the love of God was working right through her. I think that’s why we need to make sure that we are not keeping these struggles inside. There are others around you who want to help you. Don’t keep these things to yourself. Allow God to work through others to help you, as well!

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