From Here I Am to Who Am I

Moses has been in my mind the past couple of weeks. Between reading about him in my Bible reading time and watching the 2006 version of “The Ten Commandments” I have been soaking him up like a sponge.

Last week I talked about the burning bush and how it represents God’s calling on our lives. The story of the burning bush doesn’t end with Moses responding “Here I am.” No, there is much more to the story that we can learn from.

God begins to lay out His plan. Every calling on our lives has a specific plan to it. We may not necessarily get the layout but there is one. Moses had a rare opportunity to hear that plan directly from God. God told Moses that He had heard the crying of His people, the Israelite slaves, and that He was going to rescue them. Moses would be part of that rescue. He was going to bring them to a place of milk and honey, as opposed to the slavery and cruelty they had been enduring. It would be Moses that would lead the way.

Some would like to chastise Moses for the way he responded. He did not respond favorably to what the Lord had presented him with. But how often do we do the same? God asks us to do something that either we don’t want to or we don’t think we are equipped to do. Think about it. “That’s all God? You mean there isn’t something grander or greater that you want me to do?” “Work in the nursery?” “Stay home and raise my children?” “Take a job making minimum wage?” There is an endless list of possibilities when it comes to God calling us to a task that we don’t think much of.

Then there are the plans that He has for us where we don’t feel equipped. That is exactly how Moses felt. He said, “Who am I?” Who am I that I should… You can fill in your own blanks. What is God calling you to do that you are questioning?

Here’s what I find especially interesting about all of this. The same man who said, “Here I am” was now saying “Who am I.” Isn’t that just like us? Here I am God, use me! Here I am God, send me! But then when God gets ready to do it, we question Him. Suddenly we ask, “Who am I?” We aren’t much different than Moses!

So Moses presents his “Who am I” argument and God makes it clear. He won’t be doing this alone. No, God never sends us to a place where He expects us to do it on our own. He goes with us. He would go with Moses. Not only did God tell Moses that He would go with him but that He would also provide a sign that God was the one who had sent him. Once the people were delivered from Egypt, Moses would worship God on the very same mountain that the burning bush was on. What a plan! Who wouldn’t jump at that, right?

But we know the story. Although God knew the time of deliverance would come, that Moses would lead the Israelites out, it wouldn’t happen for a long time and not until Moses would go through quite a few tests…not just with the Egyptians but with the complaining Israelites as well. God may have a plan for us but to get there, we may need to go through a few tests.

So God has laid it all out. He will go with Moses, the sign will be there and so Moses should be ready to move, right? Wrong! Moses isn’t done questioning God. He now wants to know what he should tell the people when they ask who has sent him to them. Plain and simple God says to tell them that “I AM” has sent Moses to them.

Moses still isn’t convinced. He asks, “What if they don’t believe me?” Not only are the “Who am I?’ questions obstacles that we create but so are our “What if”” questions. God lays it out but all we can think about are the “What ifs.” “What if this doesn’t work out God?” “What if we don’t financially make it?” “What if I’m stuck doing this forever?” “What if I don’t like it?” and the list goes on and on.

God is so patient with Moses. I often remind myself that if He can be that patient with Moses, then surely He can be so patient with me! God tells Moses to throw his staff on the ground and it turns into a snake! Moses runs from it but then God tells him to pick it up. He does and it turns back into a staff. God isn’t done yet, though. He then tells Moses to put his hand inside his cloak. He does and when he takes it out, it’s leprous like snow. He sticks his hand back inside and this time when he takes it out, it’s restored. Pretty cool!

One would think that Moses would be chiding himself for ever asking the questions and say, “Okay God, I’m ready!” But he doesn’t. No, he goes on to express how he has never been a very eloquent speaker. He still isn’t convinced that God has called him to the task. Now he is seeing nothing but his flaws and weaknesses. Are you spending more time looking at your flaws and weaknesses? Are you making excuses for not stepping out? That’s really all that Moses was doing, making excuses.

Yet again God is so very patient with Moses and explains that it is God who makes man to talk. He would be the one to help Moses speak. If God can turn a staff into a snake and make a hand leprous, surely He can help Moses speak!

By this time Moses has gone from “Here I am” to “Who am I?” to “What If?” to now pointing out his flaws and weaknesses. You would think it would end there. Wrong again!

Now Moses gets to the real heart of the matter. “O Lord, please send someone else to do it.” The truth is that from the very beginning Moses had no interest in God’s plan. He didn’t want to do it. It didn’t matter what great signs God would provide, the miraculous things He would do to prove Himself…Moses didn’t want to be the one to do it. He was probably content to stay in the place he was at, happily married and tending his sheep. He had left Egypt and the last place he wanted to be was back there.

Well God’s patience finally runs out. Take that to heart. God can get to a point where we have done so much questioning, made so many excuses, tried so hard to get out of His plan for our life that we can make Him angry. I don’t know about you but that’s not a place I want to be.

God tells him that his brother Aaron will be the one to speak for Him. God would still use Moses but not to the full measure that He had intended. Think about that. How would things have turned out differently if Moses had not asked God to send someone else? I can’t help but wonder if it would have been easier to get the Israelites out of Egypt if only he had trusted God from the beginning.

What have we possibly missed out on because we refused to go along with God’s plans? Who has been put in the place that was originally intended for us? At the time Moses had no idea the incredible things that would take place—the parting of the Red Sea, the intimacy he would have with God, receiving the Ten Commandments and so much more. If he knew, I bet he never would have questioned and argued with God so much. What about you? What have you been questioning God about? Have you been arguing with Him? Don’t miss out on a single God moment by trying to wiggle your way out. Let God be God and do His work in you.

What Is Your Burning Bush?

Some of my most favorite Old Testament stories are those that took place during the life of Moses. From the time he was placed in the Nile River in order to save his life, to the time he passed away are hundreds of lessons and insights that we can learn from.

One of those favorite stories is the burning bush. Now Moses was tending the flock of Jethro his father-in-law, the priest of Midian, and he led the flock to the far side of the desert and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. There the angel of the LORD appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up (Exodus 3:1-2). It may seem difficult to understand how the story of the burning bush could apply to our lives. However, I believe that every one of us have a burning bush. The burning bush represents the calling that God has on our lives.

God may not be calling to us through the hedge in our front yard but He is calling to us all the same. He has a plan for every single one of us. God is looking for a response. When Moses saw the burning bush and heard a strange voice calling his name, he could have easily run away. That’s probably what I would have done had my bush called out to me. But instead Moses responded, “Here I am.” Here I am. There is a song called “Here I Am” that has some amazing lyrics:

Sometimes Your calling comes in dreams
Sometimes it comes in the Spirit’s breeze
You reach for the deepest hope in me
And call out for the things of eternity.

But I’m a man of dust and stains
You move in me so I can say

(CHORUS)
Here I am, Lord send me
All of my life, I make an offering
Here I am, Lord send me
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan
Here I am

Just as the calling God has on our lives is unique, so is the way that we will discover it. God works in some amazing ways. But sometimes God also works in the simplest ways. In fact, too often we are looking for the experience. We want the experience of having something amazing happen…like a fiery bush with the voice of God booming from within it. In search of the experience, we miss out on hearing God’s voice in the simple, ordinary ways of life.

The second verse in the song “Here I Am” says:

When setbacks and failures, and upset plans
Test my faith and leave me with empty hands
Are You not the closest when its hard to stand?
I know that You will finish what You began

Moses had an interesting beginning. He should have been killed along with all the other Israelite boys that had been slaughtered. Pharaoh ordered the killing of the slaves’ baby boys but Moses’ mother had another plan. She risked her life, the life of her husband and children and Moses when she put him into a basket and sent him down the Nile River. Even sending him into the river was risky because of crocodiles. But God would finish what He had begun in the life of Moses.

The final verse of the song “Here I Am” goes this way:

Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness
And the fear that I’ll fail You in the end
In this mess I’m just one of the pieces
I can’t put this together but You can

Keep in mind that Moses’ burning bush experience was during a weak moment in his life. Up until then he had been running from everything. He had run from the life he was born into, as an Israelite slave. He had killed an Egyptian and ran to save his life from punishment. He had run from his upbringing as an Egyptian prince. He ran from his home and everyone he knew.

He was not at some high point in his life when God spoke to him through the burning bush. We sometimes get that wrong, too. We think that we have to be in a specific place in life, on top of things and already prepared for what God has. Most often God chooses us when we are least prepared. This song reminds me so much of Moses and the burning bush. He would eventually realize that although he was overwhelmed by the thought of his weakness…although he was terrified of failing God…although he was just one piece in a big pile of mess…he knew that in the end it would be God who would put it all together and make it work.

There is really so much more to this burning bush story that I could go on. So I will leave you with this for now…but next week I will continue with the lessons that can be learned from the story of the burning bush. Now think about it…what is your burning bush?

Are You Full of Holes?

I have been reading the story of Moses the past few days. He is considered to be one of the Bible “greats.” His life is a truly amazing one. But I think what I can relate most to is how real he was. To me he is like the Old Testament version of Peter. He loved the Lord but he also had his moments where his temper would overtake him. In fact, it got him into trouble on more than one occasion.

I find it interesting that although Moses was allowed such intimacy with God…although he would be the man to lead the Israelites out of Egypt…although he would see God’s awesome power displayed again and again…he had yet another “flaw” besides his temper. He questioned God a lot. From the moment God called him, he seemed to question God’s plans. He questioned if he was the man to do the job, he questioned his ability to speak and to lead the people of Israel. It didn’t matter how many miracles God had shown him, he still questioned God quite a bit. I actually find that comforting.

How often I have questioned God and then later felt bad for doing so. I think sometimes we try so hard to be super-spiritual that we miss out on the lessons to be learned when we mess up. Yes, there are lessons to be learned when we have messed things up. Without those lessons we couldn’t really be refined. I would rather be that imperfect person who is loved enough by God to be corrected, than so high and mighty that God can’t even do anything in me. I want to be penetrable and the only way I can be is to have some holes…holes in my soul…holes in my heart…holes in the places that only God can really fill. If I block those holes, I block his work.

I guess I just want everyone to realize that even the great men and women of the Bible had faults. They had weaknesses. They messed up. They were full of holes and like us; they needed to be filled with the love and grace of God. I think we need to really get this for two reasons. The first is so that we stop beating ourselves up. God isn’t requiring perfection from us. The guilt we battle with is not from Him. Secondly, I think we need to get this so that we can stop looking at others and expecting perfection from them. We need to stop being so judgmental and condemning. We need to stop focusing on their flaws. God can use anyone.

One of my favorite verses is found in I Corinthians 1:26-28: Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are.

Think about Moses again. He was all of those things yet God used him. Do you realize the impact your life can have on the world around you when you really get this? It gives you a whole new sense of what God can do in anyone. Many years ago these verses helped lift me out of the despair I used to feel over the person I was. Why would God ever use me, I would question. I don’t question that anymore. I don’t question it because I earned a PhD in perfection. I didn’t even earn a PhD in confidence. No my confidence is in the Lord.

So why would God do this? Why would He choose the so-called unwise, those without influence, the foolish, the weak, the lowly, and the despised? Would you? If you had to choose your mate, your children, and your friends would these be the type of people you would intentionally choose? Aren’t you glad that God isn’t like us? I know I am! It goes on in verse 29 to explain why God would choose these types of people: …so that no one may boast before Him. If we already had it together, we wouldn’t need God. We would be boasting about how “together” we are. I don’t know about you but I have nothing to boast about. All that I am and hope to be is because of Him. Full of holes? Good! That means God can begin to fill them!

Is It Really Obedience?

The past several months I have been learning new some things about obedience. I always thought that obedience meant you not only had to obey but you had to do it with the right attitude. Granted, that would be the ideal scenario. Yes, the truth is that we SHOULD obey and we SHOULD have a good attitude about it. So does that mean if you obey but your attitude isn’t right, then you haven’t truly obeyed? I bet there are different opinions out there about it.

The Bible character that I think of most often when I hear the word obedience is Abraham. He obeyed a number of things and these weren’t little things. He obeyed packing up his family and moving to a land he knew nothing about. He obeyed when God told him to sacrifice his son (thankfully God came through and provided a ram instead). I could go on. The point is that we read about all of these ways that Abraham obeyed and we wish we could be like him.

I started realizing something, though. The Bible provides the background information. It doesn’t go into the feelings and emotions that were evoked in Abraham. I think it’s important that we don’t forget he was a real person with real emotions. He wasn’t a robot. It’s not like he obeyed and didn’t have feelings behind it. Can you imagine the turmoil within him that he experienced when God asked him to sacrifice his son? Do you not think he questioned what God was doing? We don’t know for sure, obviously. I tend to lean more toward the likelihood that he was not exactly thrilled about the idea. Would you be?

Last summer our family found ourselves in a position where everything about our lives was going to drastically change. We became foster parents to two young children. It was not something I had sought. It was not something I wanted. I could write an entire book on just that experience alone.

It was one of the toughest things our family has ever gone through. It affected our lives in so many ways and I found myself obeying but with my heels digging in. Once the experience was over and the children were returned home, I felt a sense of relief that it was over with but I battled guilt for many months. All I could think about was that I went through that experience with the wrong attitude.

God began to show me that all He asked of me was that I obey. He didn’t say anything about liking it. He didn’t ask me to like it or to want it. The point was that He asked us to obey and we did it. It has taken several months for that to really sink in.

Well, this past Thursday we had our ex-foster children over for a few hours. They hadn’t been back in our home for many months. My children were thrilled to spend time with them. At one point the little girl came and sat on my lap. I held her and a feeling of regret washed over me. I started berating myself about my attitude again. Why wasn’t I able to truly enjoy that experience instead of just barely surviving it? At the time it seemed like they were with us forever but when I thought about it, they had only been with us a few short months. Could I not have handled a few short months of inconvenience without having a negative attitude? Guilt was coming upon me again. But then God reminded me that all He asked of me was that I obey. I did what He asked. Hmm…so maybe I am more like Abraham after all? I don’t know. One day I hope to ask Abraham about the feelings, thoughts and attitudes he had when God asked all those things of him. Until then I know that obedience is really just that. It is obeying.

Sometimes the “right” feelings won’t be there. They may take time to follow the act of obedience. The point is that we obey. Our heels might be digging in and we may not like it but in the end all we need to do is obey. God can then work on the other areas that need change. Obey what I command you today (Exodus 34:11).

Lessons In Trust

In the beginning of February I registered my youngest son for middle school. Up until that day I had been wrestling between keeping him at his K-8 school and sending him to another school district, where my highschooler attends. That would mean he would be going into a “real” middle school. I liked the idea of keeping him at the K-8 school because of how good it has been for our family. I absolutely love our neighborhood school. It is one of those rare gems in a failing school system.

My husband wanted him to go to the middle school. He felt there were more opportunities for him, including the chance to play football, something my son desires to do. My son also wanted to go to the middle school. The only one that was holding those plans back was me. At first I had what I would call my “logical” reasons for keeping him at the K-8 school and in my eyes, my reasons made sense. But God began to show me that my reasons were really just excuses. At the root of my disagreement about him going was fear. I was afraid. I was fearful of letting go. He is my baby. He would argue that but I know other mothers can relate…your youngest remains your baby no matter how old they are!

I knew that by keeping him at his K-8 school I would have a sense of “control” over him but God wanted me to go a step further and trust Him. I was putting my trust in his school, the teachers, and in the sense of nearness I would have with him just being a few blocks away. There is nothing wrong with those feelings—don’t misunderstand me. What made it wrong was that at the root of those feelings was fear. God doesn’t want us to fear, He wants us to entrust every single area of our lives to Him and that most certainly includes our children.

The few days leading up to February 1st, which is when you could first apply online for open enrollment, I would throw out crumbs to my son. These crumbs were reminders of how good his current school is and all the things he would be missing out on if he moved to a middle school. I don’t feel proud for doing that. I was still trying to twist things and make them happen the way I wanted them to happen. In a sense, I guess I was digging my heels in. Maybe you have done the very same thing with God. You know He is telling you one thing and in your mind you agree with what He is saying…but as you go along with it, it’s almost as if you need to be dragged along.

Anyway, the morning of February 1st arrived and I once again tried to get my son to see my side. I told him that this was it, once I applied to the middle school and if he got in there, there was no going back. What I was really trying to do was scare him. Again, wrong. I had prayed earlier that morning that God would give me peace about the decision, something I was obviously lacking. I went online and began to fill out the application and almost immediately I felt that sense of peace that had been missing. As I took that first step, granted with some apprehension, God flooded me with His peace.

A few minutes later I was checking my email and read a devotional I get from SpiritLed Woman. I read the first line and had to laugh. It spoke directly to me: Our life on earth is a life of seasons, a life of changes. I immediately sensed God talking to me. It went on to say how some seasons in life are eagerly awaited (I was thinking about the birth of my children) and how other seasons are less happily anticipated (like those moments when my children enter a new stage of growing up).

This devotional went on to say that what keeps us pressing on in the midst of changes, whether they are good or bad, is the belief that God is in full control. Do you see why I knew God was speaking directly to me? I had somehow lost sense of that. Sure, He had been in control up until this point…but for some reason this new season in my son’s life caused me to doubt and lack trust.

I’m so glad that God is patient with me. Some lessons are harder to learn, so they end up being repeated. I find myself leaning on Him to a greater degree as my children get older. Looking back now, it all seemed so much easier when they were little. Sure I remember feeling worn out, tired and wishing I had a manual of instructions on what to do at various times. But things are different now. I have one child who only has two more years of high school left. He has important decisions to make about his future. I have another child who has one more year of middle school left and then she steps into that blazing fast season of the high school years. And then, well you already know about my littlest one entering that season of middle school.

Yes a part of me desperately wants to hang on. I sometimes wish that life was like our TiVo. I could just stop and pause it. Take time to view what’s in front of me before it speeds by too fast. How thankful I am that I’m not the one in control of the buttons. God is. He has my children in His hand and I can entrust every season of their life to Him.

The Treasure of Friendship

When you have found a good friend, you have truly found a treasure. They are keepsakes that keep on giving. A good friendship can weather any storm and believe me, they will come. In fact, it has been through the storms of life that I have learned who my real friends are. They are the ones who stuck with me, who helped to see me through. They are the ones who encouraged me and yes, even at times disagreed with me.

Sometimes we think that a good friend is one who will always tell us what we want to hear. We think a friend will never disappoint us. But any relationship in life, be it marriage or in parenting, we know the reality. People are people and they will let us down. Our husbands, our children and yes, even our friends will let us down. It’s up to us what we do with those disappointments. Will we allow them to mold and shape us? Will we allow them to cause correction in our character?

Proverbs 27:17 says that as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. A good friend will love you, be dependable and loyal but a good friend will also sharpen you. Being sharpened hurts! It’s tempting to try and escape the pain, to push away what is causing that pain. Yet God uses our friends to challenge us. He uses friendship to sometimes reflect what is really in our hearts—what needs to be changed.

There is an Arabian proverb that I really like. It says: A friend is one to whom one may pour out the contents of one’s heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. The good, the bad and the ugly…you get it all when you have a real friendship. It all comes out and only a good friend will stand by your side to carefully sift away those shortcomings and faults. In the end, she blows away the impurities and chooses to dwell on the harvest of good within you.

If you have a friendship like this, treasure it and hold onto it! Don’t let it go. Don’t let a foolish misunderstanding or disagreement stand in the way of what God wants to use in your life. Allow God to work through your friendships to make you into the person that God desires you to be!

What If?

What if? You will understand this question as you read on…I recently watched this movie on the Gospel Music Channel. It was called “Second Glance”, made in 2005. In all honesty, like some of the Christian movies can be, it was a bit hokey. But the message behind it really impacted me. It was about a Christian teenager who started getting unsatisfied with his life. He was looking for something more exciting, especially when he set his sights on a particular girl in school. He got tired of being “the nice guy” and made a statement that sometimes he wished he had never been a believer.

Well his wish ended up coming true and he began to see how differently his life would have been had he not been a Christian. It affected his family…parents were divorced, his mom wasn’t around to take care of him, his sister had never been born. A friend of his had ended up committing suicide. Even teachers were impacted by the fact that his positive influence wasn’t there. He started hanging with the wrong crowd and “enjoying” the party life of typical teenagers. But it didn’t take long before he saw what a mess his life really was.

Throughout the course of this, he had an angel hanging around. When this teenager finally came back to his real life the angel told him how Satan was trying to lure him, to get him off course. He pointed out how he thought all the other kids were having all this fun and he was missing out. But like the angel said, all he was missing out on was sin. Yes, sin is fun for a season but the end results are nothing but hurt and living a life that grieves the Lord.

The other good lesson taught in this movie was about the fact that this teenager had a thing for a girl who was not a believer. But the angel talked to him about what God thinks of relationships and how important it is that he ends up marrying a girl who has been untouched.

It reminded me of one afternoon not that long ago when I was parked outside my oldest son’s high school waiting to pick him up. Kids were pouring out of the school and walking in front of my van was a very pregnant teenage girl. My son was already in the van with me. We were waiting for a couple of girls that attend our church who I drive home twice a week. When I saw this pregnant teenager I was shocked. I don’t know why but I was. I said something like, “Look at that! She is pregnant!” My son looked at me like I was crazy and said, “Yeah, there’s a lot of girls in school that are.” I was dumbfounded. “There are?!” I asked incredulously. Apparently I must be from another planet because I got one of those “duh” looks from my son.

What a world our children live in. I also recently had to opt out my two youngest children, in 5th and 7th grades from a sex education class that teachers in our local school district are being forced to teach. Apparently Milwaukee has either the highest or almost the highest rate of teenage pregnancies (by the way it was my 10th grader that informed me of that). MPS, the school system my younger two are in, want to start reaching children BEFORE even middle school with sex education because it’s no longer just in high school they are getting pregnant. It is happening in middle school!

Some of what my 5th grader was going to be receiving in sex education is what my now 10th grader just got in his last semester of health. I read through the list of topics and I was absolutely stunned. What in the world is going on, I often wonder. Our children are facing a lot of pressures and a lot of temptations that yes, we as adults faced when we were younger. But I would also challenge that with each passing generation it gets tougher.

Our children can easily become tempted as this teenager in the movie did. They may look at the “fun” they see other kids having and feel like they are missing out. I think it’s a good lesson to sit down with our children and discuss those things. I mean, I have it pretty good. Despite how some would like to tear down those who make the choice to send their children to public school, we have fared very well with our kids. I am so incredibly proud of my children. They have not fallen for the temptations of the world and I stand on the prayers that I have uttered over the years. I believe they are in God’s hands. That gives me an extra measure of faith I wouldn’t have otherwise. I trust their lives to Him.

But what if that temptation did come? What if they did start to wonder what it would be like to not be a Christian? I plan on having my older two see this movie. They might have difficulty with the whole hokey-ness (yes I know, not a word) setting of it but I pray the message behind it will reach them. I would love to talk to them about how differently their lives would be if Dan and I had not given our hearts to Christ. We are “first generation” Christians so we don’t have a religious background in any shape or form. I know for a fact we would be divorced. In fact, it would stand a good chance that our youngest son would never have been born because I don’t think our marriage would have made it until then.

I think it would actually do all of us some good to really take a look at our lives and re-evaluate them. We may spend a lot of time complaining about things. We may see the world and think we are missing out on something. We may wonder “what if?” Yes, that’s right…what if? What if we were out there? What would be different? A lot would be different and it wouldn’t be good and so I think we really need to have a grateful heart and give God all the thanks for the difference He has made in each of our lives. I know I plan on talking to my children about that…